Are you two compatible? Compatibility in romantic relationships and friendships

Have you ever met someone and just "clicked?" You feel seen, heard, and understood on a deep, deep level. What you've experienced is compatibility. Compatibility is how you vibe with someone and how well you know and appreciate each other. That sense of trust, openness, and being seen is fundamental in all types of relationships. But without that immediate "click," how can you tell if you're compatible with someone? In this article, you will learn how to determine if you’re compatible with someone or not.

What is compatibility?

Compatibility is much more than having things in common. It also can look different in different relationship contexts.

For example, compatibility in the workplace means you and a person get along together, work well, and communicate effectively. You can tackle tasks together and understand the other person's point of view.

Some of these qualities transfer over into friends that you're compatible with. You may have common interests and values and celebrate each other's differences.

In high-quality romantic relationships, it should be all of the above. In addition, you should also share a mutual respect for each other that highlights your complementary features.

Relationships are all about give and take. So make sure to distinguish compatibility with how much you and a person are alike.

Instead, it's about how you fundamentally jive in each other's presence. It's about filling in the gaps in someone's sentences while being polar opposites in every other category.

When you're compatible with someone, you can feel the synergy and feel understood for who you are.

The importance of compatibility in relationships

When you're compatible with someone, you get along well, support each other, and form the basis of a healthy relationship.

If you're incompatible, communication can reach a gridlock even in the most ordinary circumstances. You may struggle to resolve conflicts which can create resentment and tension. You may also question if the other person is trustworthy. You may not agree with their opinions or beliefs, and the trust between you two erodes over time.

In healthy relationships, people are supportive of each other. You may feel discouraged or unwilling to speak when you're incompatible with someone.

All of these things: trust, communication, and conflict resolution, are all critical components of a healthy relationship. They're also vital parts of compatibility. If you're incompatible with someone, you'll unlikely build a relationship worth much time or effort.

How to tell if you're compatible with someone

Compatibility is the foundation of healthy relationships, whether platonic, romantic, professional, or otherwise. Compatibility highlights your ability to work together and help one another. Something which is of immense value that goes unappreciated in many relationships.

There are many ways to tell if you are compatible with another person; here are a few key indicators:

  • Open and honest communication: You and others can speak openly and effectively. You feel safe and valued when you share your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
  • You have common values or beliefs: Sharing similar values and beliefs can be a cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Whether it's about family dynamics, religion, politics, or relationships, there are fundamental things that you can both agree on.
  • You can both compromise: You and the other person can find common ground when faced with different opinions. You take turns, and the relationship still feels equitable and balanced.
  • You have mutual respect: Where you can't agree or compromise, you aren't bothered by it. You respect the other person's opinions and values and even celebrate those differences.
  • You support each other: Feeling supported in a relationship signifies strength and longevity. You're there for each other after a bad day or questionable decision. You're there to encourage the other to succeed.
  • You feel good together: It's positive vibes when you're together or speaking online with your friend. You enjoy spending time together in whatever format feels natural for both of you.

These are just a few ways to tell if you are compatible with another person. It may not happen immediately, but it can develop over time. So even if you don't "click" when you first meet, you create these feelings of support, respect, and general contented-ness whenever you're together. These feelings can be had both in person or in a virtual community.

How to tell you're incompatible with someone

Every relationship has its flaws. Initially, you may not enjoy each other's company. However, things may change after the initial spark wears off. If after some time you still can't tell if you're compatible, here are some signs of incompatibility to help you highlight the differences:

  • Disrespectful or dismissive communication: The other person may be blatantly disrespectful about your opinions or feelings. When a person acts this way, it creates tension, leading to conflict in the relationship.
  • Inability to resolve conflicts: If you're incompatible with another person, you may find you cannot reach a common ground. Let alone compromise on anything. Especially when you're faced with conflicts. This inability to achieve a healthy compromise creates resentment and frustration, which is toxic in relationships.
  • Disagreements and arguments are commonplace: If you're bickering, disagreeing, and arguing with a person regularly, it is a sign of incompatibility. Occasional disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. However, if the arguments are frequent, they may indicate more profound issues.
  • Negative energy: You may feel drained, unhappy, or unsettled after spending time with someone you're incompatible with.

Sometimes, compatibility takes time to uncover and build up. However, if you've put your best foot forward and the two of you still can't seem to meet in the middle, it may be a sign that you're incompatible. While being incompatible may feel like the end of the world, it just means this one, singular person isn’t really meant to be in your life, at least right now. People change, grow, and evolve. So perhaps take time away and circle back later to see if that compatibility improves with space.


Whether you've met a person in day-to-day life or in a virtual community, it may take time to discover whether you're compatible. It's always worth it to give a person time to show who they are and try to figure out how the two of you can bond. Quality relationships take time and energy to build, but trust your gut. If you feel something "off" with someone, don't write it off. You could be correct. Give them the benefit of the doubt, but always put your well-being first.

Compatibility is made up of great communication, support, feelings of trust, and openness. You may be incompatible if you're constantly arguing with someone, unable to reach a compromise or feel disrespected by them. And that's okay! Only some people are meant to be friends, it just means you have to get out there and start meeting new people!

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